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New Delhi: In a shocking development, Janata Party’s President Subramanian Swamy has decided to convert to Islam with immediate effect. He has also decided to merge his one man party with the Congress.

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CNN IBN’s senior editor and Swamy’s daughter Suhasini Haidar is said to be the person behind these decisions. Suhasini had converted to Islam after marriage with Nadeem Haider who happens to be former Foreign Secretary Salman Haider’s son. It is claimed that Suhasini wanted to avoid uncomfortable situations whenever asked to interview her father on his stance against Muslims.

Rumors of these developments were rife for a few days now, but after the acquittal of P. Chidambaram in the 2G spectrum case it was only a matter of time before these decisions became public. Swamy has announced that he will withdraw all the cases against the Congress pertaining to the 2G spectrum.

Swamy was forthcoming with his confessions. “Actually I was pissed off with the Congress for not keeping a tab on the tariffs of mobile pocket internet plans. So, I decided to trap them using the same 2G issue. But now that 3G has replaced 2G, I have also decided to move on in life.”

The Congress has shrugged off any political benefits due to the mergence of the two parties. “His entry into Congress makes no difference to us politically, but it sure will save us the legal expenses. His wife is a Supreme Court advocate and that used to make him run to the court for every damn little thing”, said a Congress MP on condition of anonymity.

When asked about his decision to convert to Islam despite behind a staunch and radical Hindu, Mr. Swamy gave the credit to his daughter and said that he is very secular at heart. “Look at my family. My wife is a Parsi, my daughter and son-in-law are Muslims, my sister-in-law is a Christian and my brother-in-law is Jewish. Why should I alone be left behind? Everyone tries different telecom networks, I want to try out different religions.”

Suhasini Haider seemed elated at her father’s decisions. She was seen putting on extensive makeup for the 9pm news in which she will proudly announce her father’s decisions. Sources have revealed that she was finally relieved that she would no more face moral dilemmas while reading the news related to her father’s tirade against Muslims.

In an effort to make peace with Muslims in India, Subramanian Swamy has also clarified a few comments in his recent editorial against them which drew world-wide criticism. He had suggested the removal of the Masjid in Kashi Vishwanath temple complex, and 300 others in other sites as a ‘tit-for-tat’.” He has clarified that there was a printing error and what he actually meant was ‘a tit-for-tit’ on the lines of ‘an eye for an eye’.

“The issue had been blown out of proportion. In the Saudi nations they take an eye for another eye that is blinded. But India is a country obsessed with breasts and nipples. Hence I suggested that here we need the ‘tit-for-tit’ law. I was just playing with words, but the media focused on the useless portion of my comment,” repeatedly clarified Swamy.

His wife Dr. Roxna Swamy has said that she has been asked by Mr. Swamy to file a PIL in the Supreme Court in order to compensate for the misunderstandings created in the minds of the Muslims. “We are going to demand that an idol of Allah be installed in every major temple of the country.”

The Harvard University Professor’s Association has termed the PIL as rubbing salt on the wound. “He intends to further hurt the sentiments of Muslims, now under the garb of a converted Muslim. Does Mr. Subramanian Swamy not know that Allah does not reside in idols? Now anyone even taking Mr. Swamy’s name within the campus would be liable for immediate rustication from the university.”

Note: This news story has got nothing to do with reality. This is just a figment of my imagination. Laugh and let laugh.

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